The Zombie Apocalypse
Today
I have decided that staying home alone during the day with two children, is
like surviving the zombie apocalypse. I’m not quite sure what brought me to
this conclusion, probably the fact that some days I really do feel like it’s
survival of the fittest. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children, but some days
I definitely feel as though they won the battle of survival and I should just
lay down and surrender. Here are the 7 reasons why being home alone with
children is like surviving the zombie apocalypse, or on some days like not
surviving it.
·
You
are thirsty
o There are most definitely
days that I have gone the entire day without drinking as much as a few sips of
my morning java. Usually this is the only thing that gets me through the day
without falling asleep drooling on the couch while both kids are coloring the
TV screen. When the day starts off with crying, middles with crying and ends
with crying, it just never happens. You start by pouring that delicious cup of
coffee, sometime around 10 AM you realize that you left that cup in the kitchen
and you go to reheat it. Most days I end up finding the cup in the microwave or
counter and it’s never been touched or a sip hasn’t even been taken out of it.
·
Your
hungry
o Those women out there
that are not yet mothers are laughing at this one. They think….Oh lord how
could I possibly get through the day without eating, I’m always hungry and
having a kid sounds like I will lose some weight. WRONG the problem here is that
you are so hungry, you just can’t find the time to eat…. real food…. ever. You find yourself sneaking Cheetos from the
kitchen cabinet while an episode of Barney is entertaining your children, even
though you swore that your children would never be exposed to that horrible purple
dinosaur.
·
You
haven’t felt safe enough to use the bathroom all day
o You have felt the urge
to pee at least 3 times during the day, but yet some type of tragedy always
strikes before you are able to actually get there. Once the tragedy is over,
you completely forget about ever needing to go, especially when eating the
cheetos. It doesn’t really matter anyway, it’s not like you’ve had anything to
drink all day.
·
Everyone
is a dirty filthy mess
o It may be a fact that
you actually do have a working bathroom including a shower, but that doesn’t
change much during the course of an eight hour day with children. The amazing
messes that toddlers create in a very short span of 8 hours would amaze anyone
other than a normal everyday mom. I have given multiple baths in a day,
especially when I was that crazed first-time mom and thought the world would
end if my poor little girl had applesauce on her shirt. Once that second kid
comes into the picture, I actually encourage the dog to clean their faces
instead of getting disgusted….did I say that?
·
You
caught yourself at least once staring and daydreaming of a quieter time, and
completely missed your children destroying something in your home.
o It is a half
daydream/half sleeping with your eyes open moment, but boy does it come to a
quick halt when that one year old is suddenly ready to superman jump off the
fireplace. Possibly the one-year old is getting ready to feed the six-month old
the dog food, or found the garbage can and decided to lick the egg carton. No
matter what the incident, as long as it didn’t happen!! …. Almost……. doesn’t count.
·
At
least once during the course of the day, you thought surely you wouldn’t make
it.
o Every day there is a
time when I sit and find myself completely overwhelmed and wonder why I am a
horrible mother. This usually happens when you realize that your children love
that purple dinosaur or when you realize that you accidentally told the
one-year old that yes she could color her sisters face with the purple marker.
·
When
the day is finally over, you are pretty much just happy everyone got out
alive….yourself included!
o The days when dad comes
home or the kids are finally asleep in bed, and the mayonnaise is spread on the
kitchen floor and the baby has a purple mustache, these are sometimes the good
days. If we didn’t end up in the ER and both kids are alive and well, there is
room to celebrate. At the end of the day, or the zombie apocalypse, that is
really all that ever matters. I always just remember all of the almost’s,
because…..Almost doesn’t count!
Article has been previously posted on Her view from home at http://herviewfromhome.com/
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